A Tale of a Book
by Claerine
Summary: Author Farewell Notes
1. Chapter 1

A Tale of a Book

* * *

A Life is similar a storybook. It is a book with no title on its cover. One day a title appears, it has the main character name on it. Slowly, writings on the blank paper starting to show up. As how a story should start, there is a prologue, chapters and an epilogue.

The prologue is a short introduction. It also contains goals and wishes of what the main character would be. It is only a half-page; so that the rest of the story will be written further in chapters. Why in chapters? Because it will be one hell of a roller-coaster ride, for readers need to take breaks in between the story.

First few chapters begin with sweet honey kind words, welcoming the main character into the world. It symbolizes the first hope and gift from Author to other characters. These chapters are full of how the main character grows and learn first few things about the world.

The later chapters describe about how the main character starting to get a grasp about the world. How the world works and what other characters are expecting from it. These chapters are about education and communication. It generally describes guiding a toddler climbing up stairs. Toddles might want to climb or might not. They might climb faster or slower than others. Those depend on the toddlers and guiders themselves. However, it is an important step. One misstep might cause different result.

Taking steps are not always followed by a sunshine happy colored day for the main character. Sometimes, it rains. Sometimes, it snows. Sometimes, it's a blazing hot summer. Sometimes, it's a lazy autumn day. But even with the crazy roller-coaster swings, the main character keeps moving forward.

In other later chapters, a naughty dark cloud visits. The dark cloud loves to trouble characters in stories. It exists solely for one purpose; to make the main character fails. At the same time, it is a challenge for the main character to conquer. The more challenges the main character conquered, the stronger it becomes. Conquering dark clouds open the mind of the main character. More options to take, more results gained. The more it learned, the more it sees the real shape of the world it lives in. However, no one said, the dark clouds easily give in. The dark clouds also learned. The dark clouds, together with other dark clouds, form a huge hurricane. Dark and strong enough to blow the main character away.

It did. The hurricane succeeds blowing the main character off the stairs. The main character falls. Fall deep enough until it sees no lights nor hear a single sound. The main character is lost. Though, it keeps looking for a way out. It keeps trying to search for a rope or a rock to climb. It found none. The main character desperately shouts but no one hear it. Decisions made but cancelled due to flickers sound and a tiny light of hope, though it keeps on flying away whenever the main character tries to catch. It continues on and on until later chapters.

The Author keeps on writing in later chapters. Writing on how the main character struggles to catch the light of hope. However, after hundreds pages, the main character stops. It is feeling tired of trying. It only stares ahead with darkness to see. Then, it starts to feel lonely. The lonely slowly turns into lost. At one point the lost turns into emptiness. The main character felt empty. Now it can no longer hears sound or sees a single light. The Author tries to bring back the main character into a path. A secret path prepared beforehand for certain emergency case. In this story, there is one thing missed, thus, the author gambles where the story will continue for the main character had defied Author.

In early chapters, the main character learned to take one decision among options. For the main character, making a decision is same as observing a scale full of options, reasons, results, in both left and right sides. In this case, no scales stand equal.

In that long emptiness, the main character thinks back about the hardships, the options, the results. In this chapter, the main character for the first time, will take a step of its own. The main character has decided to take another path. It leads to the last chapter of the book, with no epilogue. It is an instant exit door to an end for it can no longer see nor remember goals stated in the prologue.

No one knows what the author gambles. But there is one thing the main character had learned from its pathetic unfinished book. A single delayed decision can turn into bigger and deeper regrets. Those big and deep regrets will forever attach to the main character soul like a hideous scar. The unseen scar goes by a fancy name called sin. It is a permanent dark stain on white soul, in which no matter how many times it is washed, the stain will always remained. Thus, it will always remind about the huge flawed main character has.

Is the path taken correct? Sadly no one knows. Other characters can judge, but no one can tell if it is right or wrong decision. No characters exactly know for they were never on its shoes. Only the result and time can tell.


	2. Chapter 2

Is there another life after death? I searched and searched. I read people cases on internet. I watched youtube. There are cases of children who remember their past life. When they reached 18 months to 4 years old they began to recall their past memories. They told their current parents, some of them had strong desire to visit their old home to meet past relatives. There roughly 2500 similar cases recorded. Those cases proved reincarnation theory was no fairy tale or fantasy. From what I read online, all living being including animals, will have endless reincarnation circle until they all reach a certain stage. They might end up in same family line or different. According to some cases, lucky souls can choose what family they want to reborn to.

After I read those, What came into my mind was one question. No, let me correct that. I have a single wish. After I died, I wish that my soul will perish into nothing. Let this soul have an eternal death.

I don't remember my past life, If I had any. But I know in this life. I have nothing, I have no one. I am lonely. As days passing by become years, an empty hole in me turns bigger and bigger. It's consuming me. Before I realized what's happening, I am already began to lose myself. It consume me every second every hour.

These days the hole becomes greedier. It consume me faster than ever. If I compare it to sickness, It was like an invisible incurable cancer stage 4. It was a ticking bomb ready to explode anytime anywhere.

I was not a fan of uncertainty. In some cases it made me mad. It never makes me afraid until that hole and uncertainty attacks me at the same time. It was a nightmare combination of oil and fire.

But that is not enough to make me afraid. I am more afraid of what I would become. What will I be if I completely lose myself? Will I be able to see myself turn into someone else? Right now I have the answer. I can't.

I have thought of this thousand times in years. Yet, I was always looking for excuses to postpone it. I had dreams, I had wishes. Those were bigger and heavier compare to that hole. Yet they were eaten away one by one. Right now I have none left. I only had myself. I will never let this last card be taken away. I must stop it before it's too late.

I know there are many opinions about life, I don't know what others will say, but for me it is a sweet bitter curse though it gets bitter these recent years. Right now I am in a dark space. I feel numb. I feel like I am floating. There are no grounds no gravity. At this point I had nothing beside myself. If I had a gun I would waste no second to shoot myself. If I had a poison I would have drunk it. If there is a chance today, I will do it. Anything just to stop this curse...

Even so... After I stop it, Will that single wish come true?


	3. Chapter 3

Yesterday I contacted some foundations to inform that I will donate food and at the same time I faked a sale. Killing two birds with one stone. But to be honest I was more curious to see the reaction. Once again as I expected, it was the same as what I thought.

This is a murderer. This is definitely a slow kill. It's slowly making my inside die rotten. I regret my decision to postpone this years ago. I should have done it. I should have not look for excuses. I hope today will be the day to end this all for good. I can't fail. I mustn't fail. I will wait for an opportunity. I hope it will be today. I just need a 10 minutes peaceful chance. Then I hope it will be a farewell for eternity.

Until then I must survive this slow kill...


End file.
